matilda-'s Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .......... For the first time I find the radio to be a distraction. I can't listen to music or even talk radio. Ron is at the doctors and I'm lonely. The shrink session today was alright, not great. I touched on the latest with Richard but I made a decision to work on far more important issues. I've yet to cry for myself, only for Tori. Funny how that is. It's like it hasn't hit me yet. I've turned off my phone. The anxiety it was causing, looking for that "message recieved, read now?", I couldn't take it anymore. I've checked my email only once today for something from Tori or Ron, keeping away for the most part. So if anything, I thank him for not writing. No goodbye. I never thought it could be easier this way. Easy...but not enough. But I'll take anything that can help me through this. No music. It only makes it worse. I don't know what to do about mom. Today she's not feeling too good so I don't have to worry about her writing him or coming online to chat with him...to find what? No Richard? Or an email telling her he couldn't know her any longer, something to drive her back over the edge. The edge...I hope she continues to do well, to come back to us. Take care of Abby. Take care of me too. No matter how angry I get at her at times, I know I still need her. I can't wait until I go home for good. Visits just aren't enough. 11:49 - Thursday, Jun. 06, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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